How To Turn Negativity Into a Positive Light

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I’m sure I’m not the only one who has heard it. What are you? Are you in or are you out? I don’t know about you but the pressure to do what is best for the UK has almost become too much. Trying to make your mind up with the pressure from the media can be hard especially when there are negative situations going on all around us in everyday life. Sometimes we can be seen as being sensitive but I like to call it being human.

When times get too heavy I choose to limit my news watching and my social media because it can be hard to be a positive light in the world when so much negativity is going on all around us. How to stay bright is the key when you are on your path to achieving greatness every step of the way.

Do you feel the weight of the world? If you do then let me share with you an example of how to keep going on your journey to greatness. Meditation has been a saving grace to many and I myself share a daily practice of meditation. There are many ways to keep yourself sane in a world like ours. Breathing exercises can be great also. Last weekend I spent time at a Buddhist retreat where we learned a technique of Tonglen which in Tibetan means giving and taking or sending and receiving. In the practice we visualise taking in the suffering of others and whatever pain we are feeling for ourselves or whatever challenges we may be facing at the time. We breathe this in visualising on an in breath, taking in all the stresses and strains of everyday life. On the outbreath we visualise compassion, peace and the recognition that in that moment we are sending love, peace and happiness to all sentient beings. The aim of the practice is to reduce attachment to situations, so our sensitivity to pain. It will also help to develop and express calmness, and create positive karma for ourselves which can only be a good thing. The Dalai Lama says about Tonglen “whether this meditation really helps others or not, it gives me peace of mind then I can be more effective and the benefit is immense”.

Which ever way you have voted have no regrets. You have done your best to help create a Greater Briton.


How To Say What You Really feel

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Tense, nervous headaches might sound like an advert for cold or flu capsules but they are also some of the symptoms we can feel if we have to have a difficult conversation with someone who is a close friend or colleague.

I was asked how would I handle a conversation that was difficult to have by one of my coaching clients, and while reading a few social media posts I thought it would be great to share as it seems lot’s of us need to have them but put off due to the fear of confrontation. The key is to find a balance and keep it simple.

When you have to have a difficult conversation with someone you are close to whether it is a friend or a staff member your first port of call would be to prepare. What is your intention? Is it to hurt or progress.

Be sure about why you are having the conversation in the first place. What is the objective and what do you want to accomplish?

Be direct and empathetic at the same time and don’t let it become emotional.

So remember the objective and what the outcome is you would like to accomplish.

If you feel that you have come to the end of the conversation don’t drag it out by long apologies, wrap it up so you can move on. We all need time to adjust so maybe don’t get your diary out straight away and plan the next Karaoke night.

Remember, most people don’t like confrontation but leaving it will only make it worse.


When Your Dream Job Turns Into Your Biggest Nightmare

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I had been booked to work with one of the largest names in the automotive industry coaching 17 of their work force in 18 days and I jumped at the chance.  Executives from marketing to sales were there in force.

I asked the team if they had any challenges they would like to look at during my time with the company.  The room went silent  ……..  so we carried on with the warm up exercise.  During break-time one of the marketing execs took me to one side and told me he didn’t feel comfortable speaking out in front of his colleagues.

He didn’t want to sound ungrateful for what he was about to say but he had found his dream job and felt at times he was in over his head.  He had made a few mistakes and doubted his ability to do the job.    Self doubt can feel like a really bad relationship breakup… with yourself.  The honeymoon period is over and reality sets in.  Lets face it we all have self doubt in our lives.   The key is how we manage it.   Self doubt for my client was starting to affect him, making him feel inadequate and insecure.

When you doubt yourself you don’t do the things you need to do.   You hold yourself back more and miss opportunities that present themselves.  Learning how to use your self doubt is the key.   It offers opportunities for self growth and improvement in confidence.   Remember you are never alone here. Ask yourself when the situation occurs, Am I over reacting?  Is the conversation you are having with yourself realistic?   Who can you go to for support?

Ask advice from someone who will be a positive support for yourself; either a coach or someone you trust.  Change the conversation you are having with yourself to a positive one.   Give yourself a choice when self doubt sets in As I mentioned before it really is like a relationship break up.   However,  the one person who will always be there for you is YOU.   Remind yourself that you are going through a rough patch and it won’t last forever.  Be persistent with your positive self-talk.   Set yourself a goal and focus on moving ahead.

During our lifetime self doubt will come and go.  Once we develop a history of conquering self doubt it will become easier to work through and with each time it becomes easier to handle.

Start working on self doubt today and don’t let your dreams become your biggest  nightmares. 


Why ‘Faking It’ Isn’t Always The Best Medicine For The Soul.

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“We get so much in the habit of wearing disguises before others that we finally appear disguised before ourselves”  Francois de la Rochefoucauld

In 2009 I met a lady I will call Mrs Chevin. Mrs Chevin is glamorous and drives a very expensive German car, wears only designer labels and turns up to every self-help conference going.  18 months later we met for a coffee and Mrs Chevin told me she was £40,000 in debt, was about to lose her house as she couldn’t make the mortgage payments and was on a diet of stir fried vegetables because it was only £1 per bag.  Every night when Mrs Chevin shut the door of her home fear would appear, faking it would stop and reality would set in.  She told me she listened to the book The Secret and so many other self-help gurus, so what had gone wrong?  Why wasn’t she receiving all that she was giving out?

To build on your self-confidence and take yourself forward you don’t have to fake it.  Take yourself to a place of truth, a place where you triumph.  How does it feel and what does it look like?  Take yourself back into that precise moment.  It is here your soul knows the truth.

Topher Morrison, author of Collaboration Economy told me  “I think the self help world has completely misused the phrase ‘fake it til you make it’.   When you use it to take actions towards your goals in the face of self doubt it is great advice but too many have been led to believe it is okay to make false statements and misrepresent their own ability and hope that eventually their statements will come true.”

Exercise to stand In your power with confidence:

Sit comfortably and visualise from your feet roots of a tree spiralling down into the earths core, stand strong like a great oak tree, tall and proud.

Your branches reaching for the sky. This position is a position of confidence and truth. Feel it in your core. Feel comfortable and relax.

See a time in your minds eye when you felt confident, a time when you felt triumphant, it doesn’t matter how big or small it is, a moment when you felt confident and in a place of truth.

Make the colours you see brighter and the sounds louder than before letting your feeling of confidence and power grow. How strong does your body feel? Where do you feel it most in your body? What colour is this feeling? From your roots to the top of your branches step up the brightness every single time you scan up and down your body. Repeat the memories a couple more times and see and feel more detail every single time.

Give it a try for a week and see your confidence change write down what differences you noticed and carry those with you in your internal power pack.


A New Beginning

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“Blue Monday” the unofficial name given to the third Monday in January has been considered the most depressing day of the year (yes, I know today is tuesday). The tinsel has been taken down, the work emails have backed up and the credit card bill is fit to burst, but it doesn’t have to be that way.
I chose to ignore the media and chose to see the “Blue Monday” as a new beginning. I decided to start a new fitness programme, and guess what? The gym had changed, nothing was the same; new machines and changing rooms in red not blue. I looked back at what was amazing last year and highlighted those as must keeps for 2015.

Starting a new year can be tough so lets look at the small changes we can make before you go through your goal setting routine for 2015. Firstly, know that you are good enough and worthy of what you want. It might sound very mother earth but it is vital. The amount of people I coach that tell me what they want but when we dig deep don’t believe they DESERVE IT is unbelievable.
You are going to face some challenges this year whether you like it or not and that is what makes life interesting. Know that challenges don’t have to knock the wind out of you; they can make you more determined. A challenge will take you out of your comfort zone and is great for personal growth.

My first coaching session of the year started with my client wondering who to blame. We live in a blame culture so choose responsibility over blame as blaming something or someone at the end of the day doesn’t solve the problem. My clients who excel are always the ones who take responsibility for their actions in any situation.
Keep your standards high and don’t pretend everything is okay when it isn’t. Remember you have to live with yourself. People will always remember you by your reputation and don’t sacrifice it for the sake of others.
Don’t beat yourself up if what you want hasn’t materialised yet, maybe it’s just not time. We can’t control everything, but we can keep stepping towards it every day and see what comes our way.

Remember the saying “where your focus goes energy flows”.
Always remember you are human, strong, vulnerable and learning all the time. It’s the “V” signs to “Blue Monday” and the start of a brand new beginning.