The Truth Hurt’s Even More Than Exercise

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I am sure you have had hundreds of emails already about motivation for the year ahead and how to hit the road running. So I thought I would go with the theme which is coming up quite a lot with my clients – what it means to live your truth. When you think of the words ‘living your truth’ how do you feel? And what does the word ‘truth’ mean to you. Who you truly are and how you present to the world is a totally different character.

My moment of awakening was in my early twenties when a psychologist friend of mine made a throw away comment about me. She said the song ’Tears of a Clown’ were exactly how she saw me. When she said it I felt my breath become shallow and all of a sudden the room became warm. I had been found out. The veil had dropped, but her words were a great gift because this was the start of an amazing journey of self-awareness and truly getting to know who I am and how I tick.

Brene Brown, the number one speaker on vulnerability, tells you ‘You can’t stand in your truth if you are not going to allow yourself to be vulnerable.’

We all have the need of wanting to be liked and wanting to be accepted and the want to fit in with the people we meet. Showing your truth self, I feel is one of the biggest challenges we may face. The feeling of rejection can hold us back from fulfilling our dreams, enjoying our relationships and pushing ourselves over the finishing line. Life is constantly changing and so are we. We face challenges every step of the way. There will be times when you will have to dig deep and find energy, power, set boundaries, question your beliefs and put yourself first. All phases which at times are not easy to do but who are you not to entrust all you have in you. It won’t happen overnight. Setting personal boundaries are a great way to get started. You may need to start saying ‘No’ to extra commitments or start making it clear to someone who is critical of you that this is not OK. It may seem difficult at first but see how freeing it becomes when you start being truthful to you. Stay strong and take action.

Karen is the Author of “Life Is A Game So Play It – 21 Way’s To Make Life Easier.”

 

21 Reasons To Be Grateful This Christmas

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21 reasons to be grateful in 2017

1. You woke up this morning.

2. You have watched the sun rise and set.

3. You have a roof over your head, and the means to stay warm.

4. You have experinced love.

5. You have fresh drinking water any time of the day.

6. You woke up to the sound of your alarm, not an air-raid warning.

7. You Belly laughted at least three times this year.

8. You helped someone in need.

9. You have family and friends.

10. You have the option of a hot meal.

11. You have a choice, all you have to do is make it.

12. You have the NHS.

13. You did’nt have to hand over your savings and risk your life for a better life in another country.

14. You tried living in the moment.

15. You became angry – you let it go – you learnt the lesson.

16. When life got tough, you stepped up to the challenge.

17. You reinvented yourself and seized an opportunity.

18. You broke ties with someone who betrayed you.

19. You walked and talked with someone special.

20. You reminded yourself that your in control of you.

21. The end is always the beginning, it’s where you go from now which matters…

Merry Christmas and all the best for 2018

 

Courage. Confidence. Conquer.

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“Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear do not sit and think about it, go out and get busy.” Dale Carnegie

If you have been wondering where your monthly newsletter has been well let me take you on a journey. Last year due to illness it showed me that as a one-man band I couldn’t always be out on the road. When you are self employed if you don’t work you don’t get paid, so I needed to take the pressure off myself where travelling was concerned. The only way to heal is to rest, and hotel food and four hour travel times weren’t good for my health. An opportunity kept presenting itself through other entrepreneurs I had worked with in the past. If you have heard my keynote you will have heard me mention I was Managing Director of an Events Agency called ‘The Ansa’ many years ago. It was a thriving business but at the time the partnership and my heart weren’t the right fit for the business. I talk a lot about values and my values didn’t match the values of ‘The Ansa’. Family, freedom and creativity are three of my highest values and the fit didn’t match the values of the business. So I walked away with no regrets, finally free.

 

Last year I chose to say yes, yes to an opportunity to build an events support agency once again. Since 2nd November 2016 I have not looked back. Every month we have had campaign after campaign out on the road. Our clients consist of Asda, Google, Toyota and The World Rally to name a few. Our values: – great rates of pay, freedom for staff and to work as a family are all blending together. Through this I can finally cut down my travel time, see more coaching clients and not be worried about paying the bills.

Like any business I have had to put the hours in, building client relationships every step of the way.
So, what have I learnt? I nearly didn’t invest my energy into this business because of the experiences I had had 10 years ago. I had to remind myself the successful take risks and if you want to carry on making a difference to your life and others you have to put yourself out there. I doubted myself that when last minute contracts came in we wouldn’t be able to fulfil our commitments. I doubted myself that I wouldn’t be able to keep my coaching practice, still act and deliver keynotes. I could and I did. Don’t micro manage and delegate are great learning’s (The Truth Sometimes Hurts).

Don’t compare yourself to anyone else who is in your line of business. The more you try the more you have to talk about, look at Richard Branson – he’s not doing too bad! I never used to take risks when I first started out as an actress. I was scared to let anything get in the way to miss an audition. The amount of opportunities I let pass me by I can count on two hands. Its great to be focussed on one adventure but remember not one size fits all. As long as you are committed and can spread your time effectively you will get there in the end. Remember, there are only winners and learners.

“It is not the critic who counts, not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who was actually in the arena. Whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood. Who strives valiantly, who errs, who comes short again and again because there is no effort without errors and shortcomings but who does actually strive to do the deeds, who knows great enthusiasm, the great devotions , who spends himself in a worthy cause , who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement and who at the worst if he fails at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat. “ Theodore Roosevelt.

Remember, nothing is guaranteed, nothing is certain; life and work are forever changing for us all . So at least surprise yourself by going through life with the motto of ‘No Regrets’.
Until next time, thank you for reading and please get in touch if you have any questions about coaching, a conversation always costs nothing. Until next time my friends.

 

Games People Play; How Not To Meet Their Needs.

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What do we mean when we hear the words “toxic behaviour”? What is it? Who are they? and do they mean us any harm? Don’t be fooled by the title of MD, Partner, Child, Mother, Father, Brother or Sister . Toxic behaviour can appear in all shapes and sizes. They can be part of our work and family life. However, if you are or have come across toxic behaviour here are a few steps to protect yourself from damage.

Acceptance is the key, and I have spoken about acceptance in my last few key notes and newsletters as it is the foundation for mental and physical health. You have to realise that you cannot expect toxic people to change. You may crave to be the one to help them but this is mostly a thankless task. Toxic behaviour is purely motivated by a person’s complex problems and needs and these needs must be met first. Toxic people play the role of the victim, putting others on a roller coaster of emotions. You will never really know where you stand with a toxic person. Unfortunately with toxic people over time nearly all relationships become confusing, destructive and dysfunctional. When you let go of the need to change the toxic person it will be a lot easier to carry on with your life.

 

The importance of boundaries. “You spin me right round baby right round” may have been a number one hit for Pete Burns but this is how you will feel when a toxic person constantly wants you to prove yourself more and more. Are their ways compromising your values ? What will and won’t you put up with? Check in with yourself. Does a toxic person’s behaviour infringe on how you allow yourself to be treated? If you are not being paid to be in the drama don’t audition for it. When a toxic person’s complex needs are not being met they will manipulate you like a puppeteer to generate the feelings they need. If you ever really listen to a toxic person they are always the victim. Have you noticed that? Unfortunately, they need to be, to attract the attention they crave.

In my late twenties my coach taught me about Projection. It was like a huge light bulb moment. Spend time really getting to know yourself. So you know when a person is projecting the parts of themselves they don’t like onto you. You know you, so you will know the truth. The truth is it has nothing to do with you, its just a great way for them to avoid the truth about themselves.

Stay healthy and happy. Who and what makes you feel happy , healthy, joyful and free? Write down the people who make you feel this way and acknowledge the way you help yourself to feel this way.

When you remove toxic behaviour from your life you can feel bereft, even though it has been challenging to say the least. Remind yourself what life is really about.; healthy body and mind, healthy relationships and friendships. Build positive energy . Think of it like a muscle. Every day you become more aware and more resilient to the complex needs of human beings and know you have a choice if you want to be involved or not. Like Maya Angelou said “When someone shows you who they are believe them”.

 

What Is Happiness All About?

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I’ve been reminded all morning that its National Happiness Day. The advice given by this morning’s TV presenters were ‘go and connect with people, give someone you have thought of a phone call and surprise them’. Social media, texting and whatsapp make it so easy to avoid actually having a conversation. Taking the time is a lovely reminder of how to communicate with people and to connect with them on a deeper level.

Another great reminder was to look for what’s good. You are probably sick of hearing it but there is so much healing in gratitude. Saying thank you to someone or even to yourself can make a huge difference. Lets focus on creating an upward spiral in life. When I was a child my Uncle Billy used to say to me ‘Don’t walk and look down at the ground Karen, there is nothing for you there, look up because that’s where your dreams lie’. Keep spiralling upwards, it’s brighter at the top.

Take care of your body. Many coaches and speakers I know drive the most prestigious vehicles which are serviced regularly, wear fantastic suits which are dry cleaned every week and every material thing is kept in tip top condition. Remember our physical health is important. Many professionals I know have a BMI which is drastically over the limit, drink far too much coffee and keep working 24 hours a day. You, your mind and your physical health are important. If they go you really have nothing left. This is my kind reminder for you to take care of yourself.

Acceptance. For me acceptance is the biggest key to long-term happiness. Accept what is. You don’t have to like it but accepting in the moment whatever situation is creates less resistance, fear and anxiety in your life. Equally it creates more moments of happiness. Remember its not all work and the stuff we buy with the money we earn that keeps us happy. It’s the interactions, our health and the great company we keep that makes us smile more and more.